There once was a young lad
Who wanted to meet the girl of his dreams.
That lad was me;
That girl wasn't you.

So you want me to write you a song?
Well, this shouldn't take very long.
You asked for it, so don't blame me.
It's about your bad breath and smelly feet.
When you talk my brain cells die.
You hit on Ryan all the time.
These last couple years have been such a strain;
I'm surprised you still know how to breathe.

Please, don't get me wrong:
I do believe in love.
If you could take my place
You'd see what a drag it is to see your face.

I'm sorry we're done but it's not me; it's you.
If you need someone to blame then look the other way.
I know it seems odd, you thought that we were fun.
But you asked for it; I hope you like your song.

My friends all think you're a tramp.
You’ve got the most obnoxious laugh.
This song is so very liberating:
It's about the way we're breaking up!
There was that time you killed my cat;
I can't believe you used that bat.
These last couple years I've been under your thumb.
So, shut your mouth I've had enough.

Please, don't get me wrong:
I do believe in love.
But if you’d drop the gun
You’d see why I have to run.

I'm sorry we're done but it's not me; it's you.
If you need someone to blame then look the other way.
I know it seems odd, you thought we were fun.
But you asked for it; I hope you like your song.

I remember when we first met.
We were just a couple of kids.
Should have taken the time,
I would have seen the signs.
I should have questioned your past.
I would have seen you’re a psychopath.
You murdered your whole family
And now you’re after me.

Please, don’t get me wrong: (Please, don’t get me wrong:)
I do believe in love. (I do believe in love.)
But if you could walk in my shoes
You’d appreciate my point of view.

I'm sorry we're done but it's not me; it's you. (I’m sorry.)
If you need someone to blame then look the other way. (We’re done.)